Our lives on the surface
by Constant Regret
Summary: Short stories including all your favorite monsters after being freed. Humorous, depressing, confusing, absolutely horrendous, etc. are just words you could use to describe them. It may look like your average lazy, tries-too-hard-to-be-funny fanfiction... and probably it is. All-of-the-genders Frisk. (Crucial story added to the first chapter.)
1. Chapter 1

**Bonding! With humans!**

"So…" Asgore started, looking around in excitement and confusion, "…are these monsters too?"

Alphys snickered at that, looking at the former king with a sly smile on her face. "Oh, Asgore! That's so rude… furries aren't monsters!"

Undyne, who didn't say much since they left the house, nervously observed her surroundings. 'How did I get dragged into this?' she wondered. "Uh, Alphys… what did you say we were?" It was evident that she was feeling uncomfortable.

"Scalies, Undyne. We are scalies."

How did this happen? Well, since the monsters left the Underground they've been trying to act the same way humans do, but Alphys told them about this convention and "forced" Asgore and Undyne to accept after telling them that this was an excellent chance to bond with humans and get to know them better. But, as Undyne suspected, that was a lie: what Alphys wanted to do is show off the fursuit she was born with, and taking what she considered to be two really attractive monsters with her sounded fun.

A blue, pink and yellow anthropomorphic dog-fox approached Asgore, looking for a hug. The former king didn't know that furries say hello by hugging, but he liked hugs, and he also liked how this fluffy creature looked. "Okay, so… I'm not supposed to talk but your fursuit is so awesome! Where did you get it? It looks so real!"

Asgore didn't understand what that meant, but he heard the word "fur", and tried to think of an answer. "Uh, I was born with it…"

"Wow, you really are in character, huh? And I think you're my type too… what's your name?" The guy's interest in the seven feet tall monster was growing, and he didn't hide it at all.

"I'm Asgore Dreemurr, former king of monsters." He replied somewhat proud. 'I don't know what this creature is, but it's friendlier than your average human.'

"Uh-huh… well, I'll be at RedRusker's panel. Come around later if you wanna yiff…" The man winked under his mask and turned around, shaking his hips exaggeratedly in order to wag his tail. "Ask for Jeffrey the magic inu-kitsune…"

Alphys patted a very confused Asgore on the elbow (she couldn't reach any higher) and stifled a laugh. "Congratulations! You got yourself a filthy weeaboo!"

"Just like me then…" Undyne muttered, walking away.

The former scientist ignored her because she wasn't wrong after all.

"Okay… but can I buy one of those tails? Sometimes I think mine isn't big enough…" Asgore commented, looking in the direction that Jeffrey left.

At the end of the day, everyone was hugging each other, and yiffing, and drinking Capri Sun… but surprisingly there were no annoying dogs there.

Asgore bought a tail and a lot of comics that he didn't hide very well from his kids.

Alphys… Alphys bought things too… things that I'm not allowed to talk about.

Undyne just wanted to wash all these sins away. She thought that maybe fire would do.

 **Asgore and Toriel**

It was your usual Sunday morning: rainy, depressing, filled with flashbacks and drunken children… but Toriel and Frisk couldn't care any less. They were watching one of those generic romantic comedies with Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson, comfortably seated on their couch, when a scene prompted the child to ask something.

"Hey, how did you and Asgore meet?" Frisk inquired, their eyes fixated on the screen.

Their adoptive mother uncomfortably rubbed her knees and looked at them somewhat embarrassed. "Why would you want to know that?!" She asked back, her words filled with distress.

"I'm a child, and I'm curious..." They responded, turning their head to meet their adoptive mother's ears. So floppy and polite…

"I… uh… we…" Toriel, knowing how stubborn determined Frisk was, decided to answer directly. She let out an exaggerated sigh and looked at her lap. "It was XX years ago, and my mother was once again pregnant. I was seventeen years old back then…" She stopped briefly to reminisce her youth and her exuberance. "Anyway, some time after, he was born."

Both of them remained silent for a moment. "What?" Frisk finally said, interrupting Owen Wilson's monologue.

"Frisk, Asgore is my younger brother."

"…" The minor needed a moment to assimilate this information. They took a deep breath and looked at the carpet, trying to understand how relationships between monsters worked. "You two are siblings…"

Toriel nodded and fidgeted in her seat. "Yes… but we don't have the same father. Mine died after some intoxicated humans took him for a lamb, and Asgore's was my mother's third husband."

"Wow… that's messed up…" Is all Frisk could say at the moment. Her words made them wonder many things, but they were too afraid to ask.

"DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME, MY CHILD! WHAT, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS?! I KNOW YOU MET THOSE DOGS FROM THE ROYAL GUARD, AND YOU DIDN'T CARE THEY WERE SIBLINGS! IN FACT, DO YOU KNOW HOW HEALTHY INBREEDING IS FOR MONSTERS?! OH, NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T! YOU JUST-"

Frisk regretted everything and decided to LOAD.

 **The fanfiction!**

The monsters were all gathered at Taco Bell, enjoying their vegan meals.

"Asgore," A very solemn Toriel started. "You're awful and you deserve no one's forgiveness, but since I'm a flawless character and everybody loves me because they think I'm the perfect mother, we'll get back together. Even though I love Sans. Yes, I love him romantically, because everybody knows that a male and a female CAN'T BE JUST FRIENDS. EVER. By the way, pie. Pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie, pie."

"Oh," Asgore answered. "Thank you, because since I'm nothing but a sad stalker, my life is meaningless. I'm nothing but regrets and tea, lots of tea. I ejaculate tea. Does anyone want some tea? I kill children and drink tea."

"puns, puns, angst, puns, gaster, angst, puns." Sans commented casually.

"SCREAMS! WORDS THAT DON'T MEAN ANYTHING! MORE SCREAMS! WIDE VARIETY OF SILLY THINGS!" Papyrus whispered.

"Stutter, my relationship with Undyne, anime, guilt, lies. I'm unredeemable." Alphys exclaimed to no one in particular.

"Exercise, my relationship with Alphys, being very aggressive, groans, misperception of reality." Undyne said.

"Legs. Fucking legs. Nothing but legs." Mettaton sang.

"…" Frisk pointed out.

"MURDER!" Chara chirped.

"Even though I've been through a lot of shit, since I have a child's body again, I'm a naïve furball full of love." Asriel yelled.

"Hi!" The original character started. "I'm a relative of the Dreemurrs/the skeletons who was created by Gaster many years ago and has a hybrid soul. I'm not overpowered (wink), but I can use every power ever and I'm the strongest and if you don't like it you're a hater. I'm also half Uchiha, half saiyan, half gem, half Jedi, and half dinner table. I'm a great rapper. And, casually, I'm the idealization of how the writer thinks they are too. Everybody loves me!"

"This is perfect." The writer shouted.

 **Papyrus's advice**

"I'm home!" Asgore exclaimed entering the house he shared with the rest of monsters you love. Since no one requested his gardening services, he decided to spend his many free days at a nearby park, but a few parents didn't like how he looked at their children and made him leave.

"HI, MR. EX KING!" Papyrus shouted from the kitchen. "IS ANYONE WITH YOU?!"

"Uh… no. I think we're alone." Fluffybuns answered, a little confused. He went into the kitchen, and to his surprise, the skeleton wasn't cooking. In fact, he was looking out the window, and he wasn't even wearing his usual 'LOVE ME, HUMANS!' t-shirt. He was holding his brother's mug, and for once, it was filled with coffee instead of mayonnaise. "Why did you ask?"

"To drop the act. I've decided you're the only one who should meet the real Papyrus since you know what real pain is. Anyway, care for some coffee?" His voice was way lower than the one he usually used. He turned around to meet the former king's bedazzled expression, and lifted Sans's mug as an offering.

Asgore shook his head, looking intensely at… Papyrus? "I'm more of a tea guy…" He got to say as he tried to process the situation.

"Right." The skeleton took a seat on the kitchen table and took a sip of his drink. The coffee was cold, but so was his soul. "Mind if we talk for a bit?" He asked casually, his eyes again on Asgore.

"Uh… sure…" The bearded monster imitated him and took a seat as well. He was nervous, he felt like the guy seated next to him was a stranger. "About what?"

"About you." Papyrus answered. "Look, I want you to know that I care about you, I really do. I know you shared part of your life with someone I know, and you remind me of him…" Asgore could only imagine who he was talking about. "…and I've seen what's going on between you and Toriel."

That was a topic Mr. Dad guy wasn't expecting. "What do you mean?" He inquired, his words sounding somewhat sharp.

The skeleton sighed. He might regret doing this, but he felt like he needed to. "You need to get over her."

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I'm aware of your situation: you want to get back with her because you've never known any better. You think she's the only one for you. You… you're like a little boy who's been eating nothing but rocks his entire life, and one day, his parents doesn't let him anymore rocks. The boy cries because he thinks he can't get anything else even though he actually can-"

Asgore interrupted Papyrus's metaphor, feeling a little attacked. "Papyrus, where are you getting with this?"

The aforementioned shook his head, "Please, let me finish." and continued. "The boy can eat ANYTHING else, but he thinks he wants to eat rocks because they're the only thing he's ever tried. He could try some soup, or maybe meat, or candy, but no, he sticks with the only thing he can't have. He ignores everything else even if it's better than rocks, because he doesn't want to try anything new. He doesn't want to take any risks, he doesn't want to advance, he prefers rocks even if they're not the best for him."

At this point, Asgore understood perfectly Papyrus's point, but that didn't mean he liked it… even if it was true.

"I guess you understand me. You are that boy, Asgore, and Toriel is the rocks. You want her even if she's not the best for you because you never had the chance to be with anyone else."

"What do you know?!" The former king yelled standing up, his booming voice echoing through the entire building.

Papyrus remained calm. "Please, calm down. I know about your past together, and honestly, that's one of the most toxic relationships I've ever-" Before he could realize, Asgore's trident was pressing against his ribcage. Usually, the former king was gentle and kind, but a few triggers made him change drastically. Papyrus poked one of them for too long: the idea of wasting his life with the wrong person.

Papyrus lifted his hands as to accept his defeat, but when Asgore was about to dismiss his weapon, he found himself engulfed in blue light and unable to move.

"I told you to let me finish." He placed Sans's mug on the table and focused completely on the burly goat. "But if you're this angry, I must be right… but I guess you don't want to accept it"

"You don't know-!"

Asgore was interrupted when the skeleton raised his voice. "I DO KNOW HOW SHE TREATED YOU! I ALSO KNOW THAT HAVING A CHILD WAS HER IDEA, THAT YOU THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T READY YET!"

The former king didn't say anything. After all, Papyrus wasn't lying.

"I also know that she had way more power than you did when you were our leaders… and I know that you're afraid you made a mistake when you married her."

"You're right, okay?! I wasted my life with someone who never loved me as much as I loved her! I was too scared to ever tell her not to do anything because I thought she'd leave me! And she…" Asgore had to suppress a sob when acceptance finally hit him, as two fugitive tears escaped his eyes and stained his fur. "She… made me feel like I was nothing without her…"

Papyrus finally freed him, and the one who once was the king of the Underground broke down crying on the kitchen table, almost falling on top of Sans's mug.

"I'm sorry, Asgore, but you need help… and I thought I could be that help." The skeleton patted him on his shoulder, his bony hand caressing the goat monster trying to comfort him.

"No… no, you're right…" The aforementioned muttered, trying to calm down. "I just… don't know what to do without her…"

"Of course you do!" Papyrus reassured him, gently squeezing his trapezium. "You just have to be a little more selfish, worry about what Asgore Dreemurr really wants. Come on, we're on the surface! You have to stop thinking about the past and focus on your future! Didn't we come all the way up here to start a new life?"

Asgore simply nodded, and his sobs came to a halt.

"Now tell me, what do you really want?"

"I want… to eat something. Something that isn't rocks… or spaghetti." The former king joked, lifting himself up from the table.

The skeleton giggled and patted his back. "You got it."

"And… I also want to know more things…" Asgore pronounced lowly, looking at his skeletal friend/therapist.

"It's fair… but we'll have to wait until our next talk. Frisk, Undyne and Alphys are here."

A few moments later, the three of them walked in to find their usual Papyrus talking to their usual Asgore about cars and stamps.

* * *

 **Yay.**


	2. Chapter 2

**The gender**

It would be a regular afternoon if it wasn't for Frisk, Alphys, Undyne and Papyrus finding themselves at a piercing studio. The child told their parent figures that they never had the chance to pierce their ears before, and after telling them that it had become something regular to modify someone's appearance that way, they agreed to do it.

Undyne, after doing some research, decided she wanted to get one of those piercings. Eventually, she convinced Alphys to get one as well. And Papyrus… he just tagged along. He had plenty of free time.

"Okay then, who goes first?" The piercer asked them. She had seen these people on TV before, everybody knew Frisk and their monster family by now, but she knew better than to give any kind of special treatment to someone who publicly asked not to.

They looked at each other, as if asking the same to themselves, until finally Undyne raised her hand. "Me, I guess." All of them were a little scared of needles, but she had to keep her _I'm really tough!_ façade.

"Alright. Come with me." The girl said, heading to the annexed room, which looked a lot like a doctor's office. "I'm sorry, but only one person is allowed at the same time." She explained to the group when she found them all behind her. No matter what species you are, salubrity and hygiene go first.

They complied and waited outside the door. The girl didn't close the door entirely, but they couldn't get to see how a hypodermic needle went through Undyne's fin.

A few moments after, the aforementioned came out. She had a weird grin plastered on her face that didn't match her unreadable expression. She didn't say a word; she just gave the group a thumbs-up that didn't convince anyone.

Alphys wanted to bail really bad, but she promised not to. Her girlfriend already had her helix done, and now it was her turn. "I've been dead inside for many years, maybe feeling some pain will remind me that I'm still alive." She muttered under her breath as she entered the office.

The piercer left the door completely open this time, and everyone could see how stoic the former scientist looked as the piece of metal broke her skin. When she came out, she was a new person. Her perspective on life changed, she learned to love the risk.

And Frisk was up next.

They weren't that nervous. After dying several times, how bad could a couple of needles hurt them? They sat on the gurney while the piercer got everything ready.

"Not many girls get their earlobes pierced at your age. Didn't you get them done when you were little?" She tried to start a conversation with them. Frisk was a human, so she thought she wouldn't make any mistakes if she tried to talk to them.

"…no." They simply answered after a moment. They thought about correcting her since they weren't actually a girl, but they thought about it so much that, when they were done, their ears were also done. Frisk didn't feel any pain, at least not physically.

After paying and being told how to take proper care of their new holes, the group left the studio.

"Are you okay, Frisk?" A worried Alphys asked. Even though her social skills were poor, she knew how to treat her friends. "I've heard that girl and-"

"It's okay, Alphys." Frisk cut her off. "I can't really blame her, after all. My long hair, my androgynous figure… it's easy to think that I'm a girl."

"WAIT!" Papyrus yelled, bringing them all to a halt. "You aren't a girl?!" His voice training seemed to be effective. Now he could talk without using all caps all the time.

"No, Papyrus. I'm not a girl." They answered coldly.

"Oh… I… what's a girl anyway? Haha, I'm the great Papyrus! All of you humans look the same to me!" Not wanting to make the situation any more awkward, he decided to stop talking and continue walking.

But it proved to be useless when Undyne opened her mouth. "Frisk… what are you anyway?" She didn't mean to offend them, she was truly curious.

Frisk sighed deeply and turned around to face her. "I'm everything, and I'm nothing."

" _Like quantum physics?"_ Alphys wondered, but she thought that saying it out loud wasn't appropriate.

"What do you mean?" Undyne inquired again.

"I don't have a gender per se. I am… whatever you portray me like. If you want me to be a boy, I'll be a boy; if you want me to be a girl, I'll be a girl; if you want me to be both, I'll be both… and so on." They answered calmly, understanding that maybe this was a little hard to comprehend for someone who barely knew anything about humans.

The group fell silent for a moment, and Frisk felt they needed to explain it a little better. "I am whatever the players, or the writers, or anyone wants me to be. Our lives depend on them. We live in a world we have no control over, and that includes my gender."

Silence reigned again. The couple of monsters began to link the pieces of the puzzle they didn't know they asked to be given.

Undyne's eyes went wide, and once again, she had something to ask. "So, does that mean... that every time Alphys and I have scissored… we were forced to do it?!"

Frisk just nodded.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"OUR LIVES ARE A LIE!"

They ended up at Grillby's EX having ice cream with Donald Trump and Naruto. They shared embarrassing stories and flirted with each other. It was a nice afternoon.

Papyrus bought really cool earrings for everyone. Except for Sans.

Papyrus HATES Sans.

* * *

 **Disclaimer: the following story contains violence, swearing, and rape/child abuse mention.**

* * *

 **The talk**

Sans and Toriel wanted to get to know each other a little better, and since both of them were free that Wednesday, they decided to spend it together.

Each one of them was holding a cup of wine. It was Sans's first, and Toriel's third; and they were seated across each other in the living room.

"Tell me: what do all those puns hide? What's behind that permanent grin of yours?" The goat monster was straightforward, maybe because she wanted to know who Sans really was, or maybe because of the alcohol.

"heh, you sure are direct." He answered flatly, leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes. He didn't expect her to ask something like this so soon, but it didn't really surprise him.

"And I see you are not. Perhaps… because there's something you don't want me to know?" She offered the skeleton a sly smile before taking a sip of her drink.

"what if i told you…" He faced her again, opening one eye. "…that there's nothing behind the puns? what if i told you that i'm just happy?"

"I wouldn't believe you, just like you wouldn't believe me if I told you that I'm nothing but an innocent lady who's never done anything wrong."

"well, i guess we all have secrets." He opened his other eye and forced a chuckle. "but why do you wanna know mine?"

"Because… yours are more interesting than mine." They locked eyes, and none of them wanted to be the first to look away.

"how would you know that?" The skeleton inquired, only being able to imagine what her answer would be.

"I was the queen of the Underground when you were born, Sans. And, back then, I was happy." She answered, sounding casual, but the skeleton couldn't avoid hearing a hint of a… menace, maybe?

He knew what she implied. If he could change his facial expressions, now he would be displaying a frown. "i don't think this is the best way to start a friendship, toriel."

The goat monster placed her cup on the coffee table and smiled. "Probably that's the reason why I don't have many friends." Her smile looked genuine, but like Sans's, it hid many things.

"so i'm not the first one you interrogate. is that why undyne can barely stand you?"

"Oh, no. Let's just say… we don't share points of view. But, back to you…"

Sans shook his head and placed his cup on the table as well. "i never thought the lady i used to share jokes with is actually a gossip." His voice was lower than before, and he couldn't say he was enjoying this conversation.

"If we're going to start calling each other names, there are a few I could call you, but that would be really childish, wouldn't it?" It was clear what her intentions were, and Sans was getting angry. Why would she bring his past up anyway?

"yes it would, but i bet i could counteract all of them." Toriel's smile faded, understanding what he was implying now.

"I honestly thought this would be easier…" She said, mostly to herself.

"it's funny. i never thought you'd blame me for what happened…" He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, and stared at the ceiling. "why are you doing this? do you wanna make me feel as miserable as your husband?"

The former queen was close to lose her temper. "I can't blame your father; and your brother, being collateral damage just like you, is too simple to understand any of this..." Sans left eye flickered blue briefly, prompting a dangerous smile from her. "…you're just the next best thing."

"maybe you're just jealous because my father knew how to take care of his kids."

That was it.

Toriel stood up, anger taking over her. "He fucked up Chara's soul just to bring you useless piece of shit to life!"

Sans could only laugh or kill her, and he decided that the first one was easier. "don't you ever get tired of blaming others for your mistakes? you're not the great mom you think you are either."

"And you shouldn't even exist!" Without warning, she shot a volley of fireballs at the now empty couch. She didn't care if the entire house caught fire, she just wanted to get rid of the one she thought made her life a living hell.

"you don't wanna do that again." Sans said, floating right behind her.

"You're as freaky as he was!" The enraged goat monster yelled, turning around just to find nothing.

"and you're nothing but a tyrant who hates it when things don't go your way." He was behind her again, but before she could move, he used his magic to lift her up in the air and lock her movements.

Toriel tried to break free, but it proved to be useless. "What does it feel like to use stolen powers?! What does it feel like to live a stolen life?!" She couldn't see him since he made her face the wall, but she knew he had that shit-eating grin of his on his face, and just the thought of it made her blood boil.

"i dunno. what does it feel like to abuse human children?" He answered coldly. There were many things Sans got to learn reset after reset, including this confession Toriel made when they were about to be impaled. In fact, both of them knew many things about the other by now, but they decided to pretend not to know anything for everyone's sake… or maybe for their own. Anyway, it was hard to tell which past was darker, as it was to know which one was more dreadful.

"YOU BASTARD SON OF A BITCH-!"

"you selfish, crazy cunt."

Realizing how bad things were, Sans decided to put an end to this. He took out his phone and texted Frisk. ' _kid i need u to load rn lol. or reset lmao. no, but really, do it. we messed up. btw we should get a new place asap_ '

* * *

 **Was that too edgy?**


End file.
